When parenting stops being polite and starts getting real. That’s what I posted with a photo of two books we just received from Amazon to help us answer some of the important questions Stella has started to ask us. And, to facilitate conversations about topics that haven’t even come up yet.
Surprisingly, not a lot of questions came up when I was pregnant with Margot. At three and a half, Stella’s explanation that her baby sister was “going to open [my] door and walk down the stairs” to get out of my tummy was hilarious, adorable, and accurate enough that it didn’t warrant more accurate or specific details at the time. Still, I’ve been proud to use and teach her words like vagina instead of anything cutesy.
In the last year or so, she has really started to notice and make remarks about bodies, especially hers and mine. She certainly learned a lot about babies and breastfeeding thanks to her little sister. And she often asks me why I look a certain way compared to her. I do my best to explain things as matter-of-factly and simply for her to understand.
Just a few weeks ago, we made a stop at our favorite dairy farm for ice cream and went in to use their little bathroom. The bathroom had a regular toilet and also a little urinal, which Stella had never seen before. She asked me about it, and that kicked off an entire conversation about the differences between boys and girls and going to the bathroom.
I think it blew her mind. She even went up to my mom shortly after that and said with a shocked whisper, “Gaga. Did you know that boys don’t have vaginas?!?”
It was a valuable life moment to help push us into the deep end of what will be a lifetime of awkward, but very important discussions. Until that point, we have covered most of the bases for her own body, but not very much about boys’ bodies.
Zack had been wanting us to order some books for Stella about bodies for some time, but we finally pulled the trigger this past week.
He ordered Who Has What? All About Girl’s Bodies and Boys’ Bodies and It’s NOT the Stork!, both written by Robie H. Harris. The latter is #1 in Children’s Sexuality Books on Amazon, and says it is appropriate for ages 4+.
They arrived Friday, and already yesterday morning we were looking through the books together with Stella.
I really like how Who Has What? reads like a storybook, and makes things very clear to understand. I read it to Stella yesterday morning.
While appropriate for Stella’s age, the It’s NOT the Stork! book has a lot more detailed information and covers a wide range of topics, from bodies to sex to babies to growing old. I think she can handle everything in this book, but I think I’m going to give this one a complete read-through and choose sections for us to focus on first, before we dive right in.
I do appreciate that it also covers the idea of okay touches and not okay touches. One of Stella’s Berenstain Bears books talks about this a little bit, but I appreciate how much this book covers such an important topic.
It feels like we’re entering an entire new frontier, on the cusp of kindergarten and so many other changes to come. While it’s tough to imagine that Stella isn’t our little baby anymore, I am also proud that Zack and I are trying to do our best to arm our girl with knowledge about herself and others.
We want her to feel empowered and know that she can come to us with any questions or concerns, even if they are the tough ones. And it’s okay to giggle about this stuff, because mama probably will, too.