Stella said something to me last night that broke my heart. It was during bath time, with both girls splashing around together and playing with plastic cups.
“Mama, sometimes you don’t pay attention to me.”
What did she mean?! Isn’t every waking moment spent answering a litany of questions, fielding requests for snacks or refills of milk, suggesting art projects and cleaning them up, and responding to “mama? Mama? MAMA?” a hundred times a day?
“What do you mean, Stella?”
“Sometimes you pay more attention to Margot.”
Well of course! I was your sister’s main food source for the first several months of her life. Remember how she never took bottles? You can dress and use the bathroom by yourself. Your sister is still light-years from that. Most days are spent realizing that your sister has an uncanny ability to find the tiniest piece of something on the rug and want to promptly put it in her mouth. I need to pay more attention to her sometimes.
“I’m sorry, sweetie. Your sister is still a baby.”
“Yeah, but sometimes I feel lonely.”
Shit. I am failing as a mom.
“I’m sorry, Stelly. I will try to do better.” My eyes filled with tears and my throat began to hurt.
“Mama, why are you upset? Do you think I don’t like Margot? I love her!”
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